I’m writing here because I know you probably won’t see this. Like how you don’t seem to see or be interested in anything I do anymore. You don’t seem to care to check on any of the things you used to be so crazy about. In fact, seems like the tables have turned even. And I hate it. I wish I cared less, sometimes, seriously. I keep crying these days, cry cry cry, its tiring, please. I feel insignificant to you I swear, that’s why I keep asking you stupid questions. But I know I can’t tell you that cause you’ll go crazy and it’ll hurt your self-esteem. And I don’t want to do that. I don’t. It’s just that I feel like nothing. And as much as I wanna say that you can put other things in front of me, it hurts all the same.

I don’t know, maybe I’m paranoid or maybe, I’m obsessive or maybe I’m intrusive even. Maybe its not my right. And for that I’m sorry. Really. Today was an okay day but why did it have to end so badly? I blame myself for not being there and I’m so sorry. But how was I to know when you only told me too late? Maybe I’m exaggerating the situation but I don’t know, you don’t do these kinds of things often. Not even for me, and yes, by all means, I agree its a small matter. But why am I so freaking angry at myself now?

Maybe it’s cause I feel like I should’ve been there for you. Or at least try my best to. If only I’d known eh? Or maybe it was because I regret treating you unreasonably or being so moody when I finally found the reason you felt so tired and sick and everything was because of that. Whatever the reason is, I feel screwed up now and hell, this is not fair. I haven’t had so many outbursts in a while now. And everyday I do I keep asking myself what’ wrong with me. I must be doing something wrong to feel this way. Or is it that I’m just too sensitive, read too much into what you say or is that I’m just not understanding enough? I’m trying so hard I wear but everyday I just feel like its my duty to be happy for you so that you’ll be happy now in these crazy times.

And yet, I still make you unhappy, I still don’t hold back on asking the questions I know I’ll regret asking a few seconds after I’ve texted them. And its making me upset because I’m disappointed in myself. Just like I am today, everyday. Disappointed in the things I fail to hold back. I’m jut scared I guess that maybe I’ll regret NOT saying something. Urgh, or maybe I just don’t know how to feel. These days I’ve been just so upset over something? Over nothing? Over us? I don’t know. What should I say? I don’t even know. Should I even be saying this? Damn, maybe I’ll regret this. Again.